Tuesday, 15 July 2014

STOP PRESS: 2 books sold!!!!!!!!!!!!

Debbie Thompson - illustrator incredible!!
I've sold not one, but TWO books!

Step forward Golden People to be gratefully thanked by a published author drunk on success! Clearly you are superior people; your taste is peerless, your decisions to be respected and imitated.

Seriously; I would love to know who has bought the book. And if you enjoy it...

Never mind the hedgerow; there has been a bustle on the bookshelf. The issues have been sorted and the book can be issued! Click on the link to see it...
What a pretty cover! Isn’t it pretty? Debbie did it – Debbie Thompson; Guilford’s answer to Janis Joplin, Four Non Blondes and Pink all rolled into one, has revealed another side to her amazing artistic abilities. She knocked it off in two hours after we’d been down the pub one evening. Why suffer for you art, says Debs.
So, what’s it about? A bike journey that I did in 2003 from Wales to the Czech Republic and back. But it’s definitely not about the bike. Wise and trusty sergeants; bikes chasing cars; three gorgeous Chermann Anias; blondes gone by; bicycling as Buddhism; sex, drugs, Rock and roll and tiny French villages; the Rainbow Warrior skipper; sex on a stick – a bed-rumpled Bardot; Trabbies and Chevettes, kebabs, Guiness and the “clear stuff” all make their appearance, as do camels in the Czech Repulic, aka, the world capital of surreal... its definitely not about the bike.
Care to peruse a page? http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LIB5P1O


Thursday, 3 July 2014

Travels in Time


Never mind the hedgerow; there has been a bustle on the bookshelf. The issues have been sorted and the book can be issued! Click on the link to see it...

What a pretty cover! Isn’t it pretty? Debbie did it – Debbie Thompson; Guilford’s answer to Janis Joplin, Four Non Blondes and Pink all rolled into one, has revealed another side to her amazing artistic abilities. She knocked it off in two hours after we’d been down the pub one evening. Why suffer for you art, says Debs.

So, what’s it about? A bike journey that I did in 2003 from Wales to the Czech Republic and back. But it’s definitely not about the bike. Wise and trusty sergeants; bikes chasing cars; three gorgeous Chermann Anias; blondes gone by; bicycling as Buddhism; sex, drugs, Rock and roll and tiny French villages; the Rainbow Warrior skipper; sex on a stick – a bed-rumpled Bardot; Trabbies and Chevettes, kebabs, Guiness and the “clear stuff” all make their appearance, as do camels in the Czech Repulic, aka, the world capital of surreal... its definitely not about the bike.
Care to peruse a page? http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LIB5P1O

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Burgos is Burning



Gamonal in flames
Burgos is burning. Franco’s old HQ, now a quiet provincial capital, best known for its cathedral, burst into flames on Friday night.
 
So; not just a few disatisfied yoof then!
The background is simple; after hard years of economic crisis many are without work, especially the younger generation, many of whom have never had a proper job; there are families surviving on one small pension. We are told loudly and often by national and local government that there isn’t money for vital social services like health and education.


The original issue; 8 million misspent
The issues are simple; el pueblo, the people of Spain are fed up with their bankers and politicians. Here, the local council wanted to spend millions to reshape the main road as it goes through Gamonal, the city’s main working class barrio. It has been the one straw too far and this highly conservative city has exploded in a popular protest.

On Friday the local committee in charge of the campaign cancelled a march and then dissolved itself, worried about possible extreme elements and misbehaviour. A spontaneous and peaceful gathering from the neighbourhood took place in front of the anti-disturbios, riot police drafted in from Valladolid. At ten o’clock some stones were thrown at the police and they responded with a charge. The rest of the night saw small groups of young people destroy all the fences and barriers surrounding the area of the road works, rubbish containers were burnt and the windows of several local banks were smashed.
 
As is the way in Spain, things were quickly organised and a timetable set; 6am keep the bulldozers out; 12am public meeting to discuss the issues; 7pm demonstration.

Tonight on the street things were very peaceful although the tension was noticeable; a march took place around the area and then went to the police station to demand the release of those young people arrested Friday and Saturday night. This was el pueblo, all the people, old and young, mums with pushchairs; a genuine demonstration that everyone has had enough. Humour was everywhere; social networks are bursting with gags and jokes. Many people around me tonight were joking that it’s a great fiesta; a way to meet all your friends and what’s more it’s free, no need to even buy a beer.

Returning to Gamonal from the police station, there was a large crowd on both sides of the street, surrounding the anti-disturbios, who were guarding what remains of the road works. The crowd were vociferous, demanding that the police leave; serious chants of, “You are the disturbance here!” mixed with, “While you’re patrolling, your wife is f******”. All the political issues were aired too. Although the noise was pretty scary and augmented by frequent and very loud explosions of fireworks, there was no violence. Everyone I spoke to agreed the presence of so many press and television cameras was responsible; without them another police charge would have occurred and people would have been hurt.

Rumours were flying as people made their way home that as from midnight anyone on the street would have to present their ID card, which must be carried by law; in effect a curfew.


Here’s a link:

Monday, 4 November 2013

1 Non Blonde + 1 Dumb Blonde

Givin' it welly - eyes closed an all...


Here's two versions of the same story. Choose which one you like best.
1 Non Blonde + 1 Dumb Blonde

Why the name? Where did that come from? Well here in Spain they tell jokes about blondes, just like everywhere else in the world. But a few years ago in California there were four very smart chicks who invented the name 4 Non Blondes for their band. Why not – they were smart and they weren’t blondes
And she can dance too....
 either. They were so smart they wrote a successful song. Debbie likes to sing that song.
One day we were chatting during rehearsal about a name for the band. 
“We can’t be 4 Non Blondes ‘cos there’s two of us.” said the Blonde.
“And that’s the only reason is it? ¿isn’t here anything else?” asked the Non Blonde
“Like what?” asked the Blonde.
“Like you’re Blonde!”
Yeh, and dumb, as you now know.

This is a real Rock and roll story; the story of an ex-choir boy and a girl who sounds more like Janis than Janis did. This is a story of total commitment, hard work and success after success after success. And if you believe that your dumb – a dumb blonde maybe; and there lies a story.
A few years ago four intelligent Californian girlies with no wish to be confused with the dumb blonde variety of girlie made a splendid recording and had a smash hit with it. They decided to name themselves 4 Non Blondes. Debs likes the song – tho’ typically she doesn’t know what it’s called – and she liked the idea of not being thought dumb and she isn’t blonde; from a bottle or otherwise. But there’s the problem you see; I am. So we had to be 1 Non Blonde and 1 Dumb Blonde……. Guess who’s the intelligent one in the band and who’s the dumb one?
If it’s intelligent to just turn up now and then, sing a couple of songs, dance about looking sexy and cool then accept all the plaudits; no doubt, its Debs. If it’s dumb to be the one (a rhyme – a lyric?!) who downloads all the lyrics, learns all the chords, looks after the guitar, buys and changes strings, painstakingly tracks down an often incommunicado band mate to arrange practices, searches out no-gigs and high profile non-concerts in cool places, arranges radio and television fame; no doubt, ¡it’s me!

My; haven't we got a lot of freinds

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Coming soon – books



So where are they then, these books? Is there a bustle on the bookshelf?
Well; the truth is there are issues. Book issues rather than books being issued.
Rottweiler on speed
A title is still undecided and front covers are lacking.
When one peruses the pages of wisdom; the blogs of those that know and the webpages of those that can and have, two things become evident: you need a title that’s the Dog’s Bollox and a front cover that grabs the attention like a Rottweiler on speed sniffing the front of your pants!





Miss, Miss, how many fingers am I holding up?
So here’s the issues:


The title:
I have the sub-title. Everything they don’t tell you in uni about being a primary school teacher. The possibilities for the main title are legion; to many to mention here. My friend Rish, who teaches future primary teachers, ran a few ideas past some of his charges and they went for the infantile: Miss, Miss, Steve’s done a poo! They also liked, Miss, Miss, yer knickers are on fire! And some liked, At the Front of the Class: How to avoid a massacre  My pal Debs likes, Miss, Miss, how many fingers am I holding up? But then there's the issues with copyright.
Whadyerthink?


The front covers:
If you’re an artist/designer/graphic designer/sand artist/piss artist and you feel like drawing a very small drawing of a small boy doing a poo in class, or a St Valentine’s Day Massacre in class……. On you go and send me the results. Clearly you stand to make a small fortune in royalties. Very small. Infinitely small.
a massive feck-off fairytale Hans Christian Anderson of a wedding cake castle in Czech
The other book, Travels in Time also lacks a front cover. I wanted to use one of the Dr Who’s Tardis Van Gogh pictures, but its nightmare trying to track down the owners and ask for permission. Soooooooo…………….. if anyone wants to contribute a lovely paintin’, drawin’, computer generated image of a Time Traveller’s Bike…… or a Tardis with a bike parked outside…… or a massive feck-off fairytale Hans Christian Anderson of a wedding cake castle in Czech with a bike parked outside……. Likewise; on you go….. fame and fortune beckon! Not in this century, but who knows what posterity will bring?


Monday, 1 April 2013

Books, Books, Books.


Mine'll be there soon!
I’ve written some. Well, two; but another one is well on the way – its short stories you see, and I’ve written more than one, so that’s OK then innit! The two that are finished are called……… well; that’s another story, I’m not yet sure what they’re called.
Shall I do the start at the beginning thing; as Plum Wodehouse used to say somewhere around paragraph 2! OK, last summer I went wandering on the bike as I am wont to do of a summer. I did a lot of stuff and had a lot of thoughts. Big stuff, big thoughts. I met my Li’l Bro for the first time in 30+ years and really enjoyed it – of course I got to meet my Sister in Law and my nephew too. Later I met my Big Sis and her enormous family for the first time. Adopted you see; Sis, not me. So you see; pretty big stuff. Two of the thoughts I had were; I must become a Rock and Roll star before it’s too late! And I must start finishing some of the………. Ohhhh, let’s see now………. Lots of books and stories that I’ve got started.
The Rock and Roll thing is another story, but the books thing; I get distracted easy! An idea occurs, I hear a phrase, I see a headline or hear a story in a bar and that’s it! I’m off; tippy tappy on the lappy. The problem is that I don’t finish them. Until now!

Barnsley - jewel of the North
.....and Benidorm, jewel of the Costa Blanca
So here’s what I have; first a little book to help student teachers and Newly Qualified Teachers and simply those who are having a spot of bother. It’s not terribly formal; in fact it’s not formal at all. Some would say it’s downright informal verging on the irreverent. Good; that’s what I was aiming for. Do you need to know about class control? Jobs home and abroad? Good and bad schools? Need jargon decoded; know how to treat colleagues and your back explained? Want to have a laugh while you read - learn thru’ stories and a common sense approach backed by 16 yrs of experience? Want an easy to read, well set out book, with clear titles and easy lists to follow? I’ve worked in UK and abroad, been permanent and on supply, been in big schools, little schools, bilingual schools, multicultural schools and schools with no culture whatsoever. So if you are a student teacher, or an NQT; if you are struggling with your class, or simply wondering whether to go to Barnsley or Benidorm; the answers are here.

Secondly; a book that appears at first glance to be about a journey to a wedding in a castle in Moravia, but is in fact a series of reflections, rhapsodies, rants and raves about just about everything in the universe, all set to a symphony of storms, birdsong and the murmur of the breeze in the trees. Sunsets and sunrises by Manet
Monet...... or is it Manet, what's a vowel between friends?
and Monet abound with the odd Turner at dusk and a dawn Whistler or two. Landcape looms up and passes by, bridges for leaning and shade for lazing. Love affairs are there, both past and present; requited and un. There are three German girls all called Ania; endless stories and jokes pop up on the pages and keep you turning.


The next one, the one that’s well under way, is a series of traveler’s tales. Have you ever been in a car chase with the Polish Police or been arrested by the Secret Police in Crete?
Have you ever hitched a lift in James Bond’s car or shared a room in post-Midnight Express Istanbul with a French cough medicine junkie? I have and I’m going to tell you about it. Have you ever climbed down knotted sheets to escape the night watchman in a Crete hotel – no; neither have I but I know a man who has and I’ll tell you the tale. I’ll tell you about sailing with Dave and all the drinking and the dolphins; the flappy bits and the mappy bits. Meet beauty and the Brickie on the bus and share some Bertie Wooster with me in Eli’s in Huish Episkopi, one of Britain’s most loved pubs. I might even tell you what happened when I was massaging a French girls feet while her Dad snored away in the next room on Christmas Eve – I might………

Come back soon and I’ll maybe tell you about singing with Debs and out best gig ever at the anti-repo demo!


Thursday, 7 February 2013

It's not about Lance

Sufferfest
I was riding along the pavement the other evening when I heard my name called by a young voice; from a car. The car pulled over and I saw who it was; my favourite ex-student and driving the car was her Dad, a thoroughly nice man and ex-professional cyclist. I’m not going to name either; he doesn’t speak English and won’t read this, but we were having a private conversation that I didn’t ask him if I could repeat – so Mum’s the word. Suffice it to say he has won stages in major races and been placed overall in lesser stage races and been a national champion. A class act. As are his offspring; I’ve taught them.

We’ve never talked much about cycling. He made it very clear to me the first time we chatted (diggin the school garden) that the life isn’t much fun. Bradley Wiggins is making much of the sacrifices he’s made to win a Tour, as well he might. According to my source, everything comes second to the bike; its train, eat, rest, sleep, train, eat rest, sleep, tra…… you get the picture. Things like family, trips, holidays, taking the kids to school, shopping – family life then, are subjugated to the need to maximize your potential on the bike; it’s your job. Nothing else counts. Now he was enjoying the hell out of simple things like fetching the kids from school. Oh, and diggin the school garden to plant spuds. Cool. But after all the stuff about Lance (L.A.) I thought I might just ask his opinion; talk about opening the flood gates. Basically he said everything I’ve always thought but obviously he’s got way more perspective, factual content, and above all experience. So here goes then, more or less in the order the conversation took:


Maitre Jac
 Sudden outrage. Why the sudden outrage. It’s what I can’t get past personally. We’ve (all us real bikeys) always, always known that “You can’t win the tour de France on mineral water” as Maitre Jacques said in the 50s. So my source told me that he always gives the example of M/way driving. Everyone, but everyone, speeds. We all do it, we’re all culpable, all guilty, but where’s the screaming outcry, the hullabaloo, the kangaroo courts in the press and the blogs and online every day?!

Armstrong was a great Champion. This from a man who’s ridden in the peloton with him. He said he didn’t have much to do with him, but knew that he was a great rider and a great champion. He pointed out that no one could beat Armstrong, that everyone had the same “help” but no one could touch him, no one could get near him. I agree and always will – we all know that Lance was the best! I may not like it but I know it. And I might add that I’ve seen him in March in Murcia looking as sick as a dog coming in in the last group up the mountain and over half an hour behind the young Alejandro Valverde. Who won the Tour? Who do you think! A friend in the choir remembers L.A. riding the Tour of Burgos back before the cancer; he didn’t win – anything – but he didn’t get in the team bus either. He rode all the way back to the city after the finish of the race, another 80 kms. He’s always been that stubborn/determined, that ready to go the extra mile …… or 80 kms!

The peloton isn’t cleaner. Nothing has changed – how can we tell – because the Tour de France times remain the same; stages and overall. They should be slower; considerably if the doping that had such an effect is no longer taking place.

Speed Kills!!
One thing that he insisted on is that things have changed enormously since the days of Tommy Simpson. I can remember “old boys” telling me about swigging brandy before the off in local Time Trials; what Tommy took was a mixture of Cognac and pure amphetamine; speed kills! No; my source was adamant that it was always described as “help” in his day and before. He told me about a book he had a home from his country that detailed the help available to racing cyclists – and called it just that – help. The point he was making and I’d like to make is that it wasn’t harmful. It wasn’t portrayed as being bad; if you wanted to win, to succeed, it was what you had to do – the help you needed. Just that. What’s all the fuss about? I’ve never been fast, but I know that you simply can’t ride over the kind of distances and mountains that a major stage race takes you without a lot of rest and recuperation. A lot. Note I say ride. Now think about racing over that same route! You’d need help.

Some time ago, riding in France I met a young Irish bikey who was trying to ride the route of the 3 major tours. http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/page/?o=1&page_id=127504&v=YJ I invited him to stay when it got to the Vuelta, which he did. He was young and strong and fit; my mate David and I struggled to keep up with his rhythm and he had all the bags on. John made it; an unbelievable ride, but he was shattered after all three of the rides; and he was “resting” from his day job all year to do the rides. Apart from massive beer abuse (my fault, all my fault) John was riding clean, but here’s the thing; he was riding, not racing, and I don’t think there are too many people who could match his achievement. Not just physically; it’s draining mentally too.

In conclusion; I’ll say to you all again: why the sudden outrage, the sudden feigning of ignorance? Us bikeys we knew all along. I’ll say again what my mate Mart always says, “Everybody, from the sponsors, the management, the media, the fans – they all demand that level of performance.” You wanted it; you got it; so what’s with all the sudden outrage? See you out on the bike then? Or not.